Believing in Yourself Even When Nobody Else Does & Spinach Artichoke Dip Recipe

“Poor me poor me. Nobody believes in me.” If this is you, I’d like to invite you to ask yourself: “If I was someone else looking in, would I believe in me? Am I true to my own words? Did I do what I said I would do?”

Each time you promised yourself you would eat better, or exercise, or change your life, did you keep your promises? If you haven’t kept the promises you made to yourself, YOU will quickly stop believing in yourself. And you will project this unto the external world. Others will receive the vibe “I cannot be trusted”. If you’re lucky, you will meet one or two people who can see beyond your own projections and into the truth of who you are and what you’re capable of.

Butttt… waiting for that day/person to come will result in disappointment. Usually by then, you’d be so broken and feeling so hopeless you would push that person out of your life (self-sabotage) because you might have lost all faith. Too good to be true, you’d say.

I haven’t always believed in myself. It takes discipline and lotssss of practice. YEARS! It took consistent effort to keep the promises I made to myself. It took me doing things despite how low I might be feeling. Despite insecurities. Despite anxiety. Despite extreme fear. It took me taking action. Lots of actions. But now I believe in myself more than anyone else does. Actually, if anyone doubted me, I just ignored them. I know where I’m going. I may not necessarily know what to do step by step, but I know where I’ll end up. I surrender the in-betweens… and I do my best to enjoy the process and sometimes, the struggle. I know that when I look back at this moment, I will smile and be grateful for everything I endured on the way there.

I have been one of those people who saw through others’ self projections and their capacity for greatness. I have tried and wanted greatness for them more than they wanted it for themselves. I have wanted people to heal more than they wanted healing themselves. It just didn’t work. I have wasted so much time, money, and effort, and ended up frustrated and very disappointed. How can they not want to be in a better place? After wrecking my brain and searched within my heart for a while in deep reflections, I came to the above answers. These people didn’t even believe in themselves. Who am I to push them to be better? Just because I love them? That’s not good enough….it’s irrelevant, actually. They don’t even love themselves. So it doesn’t matter what else is happening outside of themselves or what people tell them. Their inner world and beliefs are so strong that they cast everything else out of their auric and etheric fields. You can tell them how great they are until you’re blue in the face and they wouldn’t hear it.

So I just focus on my own work now and growing myself and my empire and be an inspiration to myself. If I keep being true to myself and my own words, that’s all that matters. I am living and breathing my core values and I care less and less about what others say and pay more attention to what they do. I’m always happy to help, but only if I see commitment and effort from the other person. Otherwise, I’m out. I’m not here to be taken for granted anymore. I know my worth now. I hope you do too. We aren’t here to screw around. We can’t keep delaying our soul advancement. It’s time to take our life seriously. TAKE ACTION.

On that note, make this feel good Spinach Artichoke Dip. It’s vegan, dairy free, oil free, sugar free, and soy free. You can have delicious food and feel good! If you’re allergic to nuts, feel free to sub the cashews with hemp hearts, tofu, sunflower seeds, etc. To cut the calories, combine tofu with the cashews/seeds. Of course, this recipe won’t be soy free if you do that. YOU DO YOU :)
Add vegan cheeze if you’d like. Make it yours.

Spinach Artichoke Dip

3 cups raw cashews 

3 cups water
1/2 cup nutritional yeast (nooch)
2-3 tbsp lemon juice
(to your preference)
2-3 teaspoons salt
1 tsp vegan lactic acid (optional)
4 cloves garlic, minced

1 medium onion, diced
1 tbsp salt free seasoning (your fave brand)
8 cups loosely packed fresh spinach
(remember, they wilt and become a mere handful)
(3-4) 14-ounce cans artichokes drained & rinsed- add 3 cans worth first, then see if you want it thicker

Preheat oven to 400F

If you don’t have a Vitamix, Blendtec, or a powerful blender, soak your cashews for 4 hours or boil them for ten minutes.

1.Sauté onion & garlic. I omit oil and use water or veggie broth instead, cooked covered on low heat. When the onion is translucent, add the spinach and heat until just wilted but not completely cooked.
2.Blend cashews, water, lemon juice, nooch, and salt. Add the optional vegan lactic acid to the blender.
3.Pour the blended cashews and sautéed onion garlic spinach into an oven safe bowl and add the artichoke. Mix well.
4.Bake for 20-30 minutes (covered for the first 15 minutes then bake uncovered or until the top is golden brown.

Optional: vegan cheeze topping.

Enjoy!

Balance. Does anyone have it?

The word BALANCE gets thrown around like it means nothing anymore. “You need to have more balance”.

What does it mean??? I’ve been in all kinds of life situations.
1. Working part time and going to high school
2. Working Mon-Fri and having weekends off
3. Working shifts and having 2 days off after 12 working days
4. Working 3 jobs and having occasional days off
5. Working part time and juggling university and college at the same time
6. Working for myself and working for someone else at the same time
7. Running multiple businesses and working 80-100 hours weekly
8. Working for myself all of the time HAHAHA- Start a business they say, so you can work your own hours.
9. Currently working on several businesses

I guess balance is whatever you can cope with that doesn’t drive you crazy. I look at things with pillars of health in mind. Nutrition, rest/sleep, emotional, spiritual, physical. I believe the most balanced person I know is my mother. She has everything so balanced and this is due to her discipline. She puts herself first because her cup needs to be full before she can serve from a place of goodness.

Every other person I have met has imbalances in one or more of their pillars of health at any given time. Whether it be nutrition and rest, or spiritual and physical, or emotional and rest, etc. Get to know yourself. Nobody should know you better than you knowing yourself and how you’re functioning.

For me, I’m always trying to optimize the rest/sleep pillar as my immune function depends on it so much. I have tested it out numerous times. When I get enough rest, I feel the most balanced because I don’t struggle with the other pillars. It’s my weakest link. What’s your weakest link? Do you take steps to strengthen it and improve on it?

And let’s face it. I’m not someone who can sit still and not do much. Even in my spare time, I’m always creating something. I just love doing whatever makes me happy. It’s an effort for me to sit and watch a movie. I love learning many things, new recipes, new techniques, etc. So for the time being, I’m loving my fast paced life. It’s exciting for me. I’m open to new ways of being and changes. And I will effortlessly flow into the next stage of my life when the time comes.

So cheers to YOUR definition of balance. Don’t let society dictate how you should be. Whatever is “normal” is simply whatever many people agree on. But you’re your own individual. You can set your own path and way of being. And let me tell you something. While you’re creating the life that you want, building your empire, climbing that ladder, getting that degree, etc., much effort is required. Don’t be afraid of the amount of work and hours you need to put in. Just make sure you incorporate some self care routine into your daily lives because if you’re sick or dead, nobody’s gonna work on your dreams.

Cheers to working towards your dreams. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you, especially not yourself.

Sunscreen, Infected Face, and Rock Bottom Self-Esteem

Warning: This blog entry is not for the faint of heart. One of my customers posted in her story about her skin issue due to allergies. It brought me down memory lane. When I was in my final year of high school in Australia, I developed an allergic reaction to sunscreen (and all SPF products) overnight. I had the worst blisters and they were filled with puss. Gross, I know. They were so painful. And the worst thing was, it was my face that was effected the most. My body only had red bumpy rashes.

It was exam time and I was so stressed and felt so ashamed about how I looked. Puss oozed out while I was on the bus, in class, at home, all the time. Just when the scabs were drying, they would crack again and bleed. I used my hair to cover up my face. Smiling, talking, and laughing would open up the sores and scabs and more puss would ooze out.

At 18, I didn’t know makeup and I never wore makeup. It was honestly one of the worst two months of my life. My already low self-esteem sunk to the bottom. I cried all the time. “Why me, God? Why? I went to church every day. Why did you punish me like this? What sin did I commit?”

My mom felt so hopeless seeing me like that. After trying all kinds of stuff, she had an insight. Zam-buk. It’s a eucalyptus balm/ointment and is used in many Asian countries topically. My family has always had Zam-buk in our drawer (often on every floor), for generations.

So my mom would rub the balm between her fingers to warm it up and melt it a bit to make it easier to apply. Then she would pray and apply the balm onto my face and lips. Within a couple of days, it was greatly improved. We knew then we have found the answer to my healing. The minty effect of the eucalyptus helped soothe the sores and I began to have hope again.

We were also in the middle of packing up and selling our stuff to move across the globe to Toronto, Canada. There was a LOT going on. We did so many yard sales. And then just before we left Perth, Western Australia, the scabs peeled off and revealed the smoothest skin underneath. Raw, newborn skin. It was the start of summer there and we were heading to winter in Toronto.

I arrived in this country with brand new skin on my face and high hope. My face stayed smooth for the first year before acne took over… Nothing compared to what I endured during those two months. Little did I know the food I was eating had something to do with my acne.

When I reflected on this incident after I arrived here, I realized that underneath struggle and pain, you can find beauty and renewal. But we would only get to see what’s underneath if we endure, peel off the layers, and move beyond.

I try to remember this lesson whenever adversities hit. I’m getting better and better with my outlook on life and its constant challenges. I feel that I’m now able to stay calm and not stress out too much in the middle of life’s challenges. I have been able to get to this space after years of changing perspectives while overcoming obstacles. It’s all life experiences. Priceless.

I pray that you too, have the strength and inspiration to overcome whatever obstacles you’re dealing with. And know that we are NEVER alone. We are surrounded by divine beings, ready to help whenever we call on them. I just experienced another miracle today that still left me in awe. I’ll talk about it later, in my next blog entry maybe. I want to reflect on it first and figure out the lessons.

What it Took for me to be “Skinny”

It’s the most talked about topic right now, New Year’s resolutions time and all. LOSING WEIGHT. Gosh, just the thought of it makes me sooo ughhh, you know. I struggled with this almost my whole life. I was almost 200 lbs by the time I was in my mid twenties.

When I started the restaurant over five years ago, I also owned a yoga studio and wellness centre. I taught 10-13 classes weekly and worked from early morning til late at night, 7 days a week. Prior to the restaurant, I had a fulltime day job AND the wellness centre. My weight just kept dropping after I started the restaurant. I reached 130 lbs, which for my height and frame, was too thin. Sure I had muscle definition and a flat stomach, but I couldn’t eat enough to keep up with the calorie burn. I felt light and great at the time, I was running on adrenaline and I was purpose driven. But let’s face it, that kind of life isn’t sustainable. I could become very ill and die prematurely if I had kept that up.

I wasn’t going to go back to being ill. By the time I was 30, I was sick and declining in all areas of life. Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, anemia, arthritis, chronic migraine, almost obese, herniated discs, chronic back pain, acne, skin rashes, chronic constipation, endometriosis, cysts, polycystic ovarian syndrome, I had them all at once. I healed myself through yoga, hypnotherapy, and a plant-based diet. It’s been a decade of healing and I have learned so much and continue to learn daily.

I did what I had to do. I’m not afraid of hard work. Do I want to be 130 lbs again? Hmmm maybe…only because I felt so bouncy and light. But would I want to workout for hours and hours and restrict my calories to get there? No thank you. I’m more about self love and effortless healthy living nowadays. How do I balance eating delicious food and staying healthy without a longggg list of workout routines, cold plunges, sauna, etc.? I’m not trying to be an athlete or win body building competitions.

And contrary to popular belief, the “fitness” industry is far from healthy. This is what I witnessed in yoga therapy: broken athletes, dancers, extreme sports players, etc., whose lives were changed for the worse after their devastating injuries and major physical damages. This is the reason I focused so much on yoga therapy and restorative yoga, because of the desperate need around me. The majority of people don’t need to be more “fit”. It’s like trying to run before we could even walk. We need to have a solid foundation and we need to stretch properly first before we even try to get into the complex risky stuff. Heck, we’re not even breathing deep enough to optimize healing.

I want to be flexible and mobile in my senior years. I want to be strong so I can garden and teach yoga. I want to be fit enough to run around and play with my dogs…To teach cooking classes, run my empire, and love life. And all those things require consistent functional movements, deep stretches, and strengthening activities. I take care of my mental and spiritual health as much as my physical health.

I’m now hovering around 143-148 lbs depending on the day. And maintaining this weight is effortless for me. Other than working at the restaurant, I don’t “workout”. I do my gentle yoga every morning and a little bit of strengthening routine (10-15 mins). And the goal of my morning routine isn’t to release excess weight, but to be strong and mobile, and to be free from pain.

I know it’s the trend during this time to get into detox protocols and extreme dieting. Please remember that these extreme protocols can do significant damages to your entire being. It takes a toll on your mental, physical, and psychological wellbeing and can lead to disordered eating, which is on the rise more than ever now. I see so many people with disordered eating on a daily basis. It’s just sad to see such fear and anxiety around food.

So what should we do? Well, based on years of observation and working with clients, we need to go back to our routine and our eating prior to the holidays…BUT only if it has been working well for us. If we weren’t eating or living healthily to begin with, we could do a few things to improve our habits. Don’t wait til the new year. Eat your fruits and vegetables first to ensure you are getting your fibre and micronutrients for the day. Eating your fibre-filled foods first also helps you feel more full on less calories. I practice the 80/20 rule. Moderation is too loose a term. I eat my whole minimally processed foods 80% of the time and allow 20% of the time for “indulgence”. This gives me the most joy out of life because I just love food so much and this way, I can have my cake and stay healthy too.

Which diet is the best? The one you can stick with and gives you the most benefits physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My diet checks all those points for me. I eat vegan for spiritual reasons and I have been able to heal myself, recover my inner peace, and return to love by minimizing violence, especially the intentional violence we see happening in the animal agriculture.

I realize not everyone has the mental and/or spiritual capacity to make the connection to adopt a vegan lifestyle. Going against the “norm” takes reprogramming, re-education, and effort. We’re just doing the best we can with all the stress we have to cope with daily. But the collective long term research to date point towards eating more plants to reverse lifestyle diseases and for the most health benefits. So if we all eat more plants and less animal products, we’ll be healthier and there will be more peace in the world. So let’s be less militant and judgmental and strive to minimize our contribution to violence by working together to achieve peace and love.

2018- at my lowest weight, working around the clock.

2023- More balanced. More effortless.

I’m killing it!

I’m killing it in the gym! Yeah!!! Literally punishing and killing myself slowly.

It’s almost that time… you know what I’m talking about. New Year’s Resolution time!

A month later…crickets…never heard from most of these people again. Fell off the wagon. Back to their old routine and falling deeper into darkness and defeat. Shame follows and the emotional roller coaster starts all over again, worse than ever before. With each unsustainable goal, we lose trust in ourselves. And if we can’t trust ourselves, what do we have?

I’ve been there countless of times! And I got more and more broken and disappointed with myself with each unfulfilled promise. I couldn’t even trust myself anymore. Yeah yeah, I keep saying this and that but never ended up doing it. If that’s you, do things differently. You know “killing it” isn’t sustainable! You know “killing it” hurts you the next few days and then you need rest to recover and then it’s that much harder to start again. This “killing it” mentality isn’t fitness. It’s not healthy. It’s not loving. It’s literally killing us. I have lost count of how many times I’ve injured myself all in the name of weight loss and vanity. Also, words have so much power. Be very careful of the words you choose to use. Your subconscious mind manifests the words you use.

This mentality of hurting ourselves to show love for ourselves is f-ed up. It’s like we believe we deserve punishment for eating and enjoying life. Do you realize how messed up that mentality is?

One thing I can guarantee is my 10-20 minutes of gentle and mindful movements will trump anyone’s 1-3 months of “killing it at the gym”…if you’re into that competitiveness. I’m not. I’m no longer doing it for the wrong reasons. I’m doing it because I want to be strong and healthy. I want to be mobile and flexible. I want my back and spine to support my best life. I’m doing it for long term health. I want to be that 70 year old woman who can still be independent, spending my time gardening and teaching yoga, running workshops, facilitating hypnotherapy sessions, teaching courses, rescuing animals, running retreats in tropical countries, visit my family and friends in other countries, and many more joyful activities. I want to have a full life in my senior years. What about you? Can you imagine your senior years? Let’s take a step back…can you imagine your life five years from now?

So please, as we roll into 2024, let go of this toxic cycle of self-abuse and self-neglect. The world needs more healing, not punishment. You’re not a bad person. You deserve happiness, health, and abundance at all levels. 

Hey, for those of you who really truly enjoy your time at the gym and are doing it for the right reasons, good for you. Respect! The human body needs more movement.

Keep inspiring people with your journey. It can be hard, but we keep marching on.

Don’t be too stressed leading up to the holidays. I’m nervous because of the hundreds and hundreds of people we’ll be feeding this week. So let me do all the stressing, ok. You relax and enjoy :D

Thanks so much for reading. Cheers to an awesome week!

Namaste XO

Surviving vs. Thriving- Where are you in Your Journey?

There’s so much struggle around us. People are struggling to put food on the table. We are privileged here. I can’t believe that I am now in a place to say that I am privileged. We are alive, we have a roof over our heads, we have our health, we have loving family and friends, and we have modern tools around us to make life easier. We have delicious food on the table. We’re able to nourish and help people in all kinds of ways. We are blessed. However, we aren’t lucky. We worked so very hard to get here. I wasn’t always thriving. To get here, I had to survive first.

I remember how hard life was for us that we had to wait for things to go on clearance to be able to eat. We didn’t have extra money to buy new clothes- hand me downs and second hand shops only. When I moved out and lived on my own, I struggled to pay the bills. This is why I understand that we do what we do to just survive because oftentimes, thriving isn’t an option. I had been there. And I am always mindful of other people’s positions in life. I’ve been an expert in struggling and surviving. At one point though, I had enough. There must be a better way. That was when I read countless self help books and went to financial seminars, networking events, Toastmasters, and even tried some MLM businesses. I never stopped looking for answers and education.

For instance, not everyone can be or want to be vegan, it’s unrealistic to have that expectation. Let’s just be honest here. It’s not that eating plant exclusive is expensive because it can be so much cheaper if you focus on whole foods. I’m talking about the mental capacity to be educated in another way of eating and living. Many people are so exhausted and tapped out they have no more room for anything else. I know some of you may not agree with my views. And that’s ok. Is veganism the best way? For me it is after everything I tried. For you? Maybe, maybe not. Just know that every action has consequences. I don’t believe in personal choices because everything we choose has an impact.

After years trying to heal from trauma, my body was asking for peace and higher vibration food. I was shown how it was impossible for me to release the trauma when I kept consuming it multiple times daily, despite praying over my food. Once I gained the awareness, I needed to end the internal conflict within me. I chose the peaceful way. And it has worked out amazingly for me. Is it possible to be 100% cruelty free? Absolutely not. Our mere existence hurts nature. The houses we live in has cost animal and human lives. Many of the things we buy have cost human and animal lives. If I go through them all, I would cease to exist in order to have total peace. But I’m here for a divine purpose. As are you. I can do my best with the knowledge and resources I have. We will never be “perfect”. That doesn’t mean we stop trying to be good humans. I have a conscience. So where did I start? “I no longer want to consume animals and their fears and suffering. What do I need to do to thrive on this lifestyle?” I trusted that Source/God/Universe supports my alignment. And did they ever deliver! It has healed me on so many levels.

Your journey may be focused on something else this time around. We signed up for different lessons and different struggles in life. All I can do is share my journey and hope it inspires and empowers you. If you are called to a deeper healing, maybe my journey will resonate with yours. I believe this is my last chance to balance my karma. I’m here to finish what I started many lifetimes ago. That’s why there is a sense of urgency and I can’t be distracted. Laser focus.

I will leave you with these reflections. Why are you here? What do you need to balance? What actions can you align with that will speed up your soul advancement?

Wishing you all a beautiful Sunday evening. Remember, Monday is a blessing. Each day we get to live is a blessing, because somewhere in the world, people would gladly trade places with you for another chance at life. Namaste.

Saying YES Doesn't Guarantee it's Gonna Happen

You’ve heard it countless times I’m sure. Say YES to life. Say YES to this, that… Well, my business and life experiences in saying yes have been quite a “mess”.
I said yes to yoga teacher training. Not to teach, but to help myself heal. Then the Universe guided me to actually let go of my fear and teach classes. That was not my original intention.

I said yes to opening a wellness centre in Whitby in 2016 providing yoga, Reiki, and hypnotherapy services. Right after we said yes, one person backed out. So that left two of us. Then not long into it, the other person had some challenges and again, I was left to pick up the pieces and the debt to carry on my own. But might as well, because I have been pretty much doing it all since day one anyway. I had the centre for over three years. I worked my corporate job during the day and then headed over to teach every night and weekend, 10-13 classes weekly. Longggg days.

My lease was up for renewal in January 2020. My guides advised me to not renew my lease a few months prior . I shed many tears over this tough decision. It was my baby and I had worked so hard to build it. But I just couldn’t. I was working 12-13 hours daily at the restaurant (I opened the restaurant Aug 2018) and then headed over to teach 10-13 classes weekly, depending on which teachers needed coverage. Absolutely no day off. Summer was the most challenging as many teachers wanted time off. I had to be there for every single class and workshop. I was burning the candle on both ends. I made arrangements with two local studios to ensure my clients were taken care of after I closed.

Then March 2020, we were shut down. Studios and gyms were closed. I went from feeling broken hearted to feeling so relieved. I was beyond grateful that I listened to my guides. It’s crucial to listen because we just don’t know what’s around the corner. And even if I had kept the centre open, there was no flippin’ way I could have kept both going. We were slammed at the restaurant. With the added cleaning protocols and other things we had to stay on top of, it exhausted me mentally and physically.

When our restaurant was still across the street, a tiny hole in the wall, we looked at a few places to move into. I said yes to three different spaces and each time, it was a no go. My guides were laughing at me while saying “Why do you even bother planning with the little knowledge that you have? Just leave it to us. Do the work, and we’ll take care of the rest”.

One fateful Saturday afternoon, the space that we are currently in now opened up, just like that. The previous tenant didn’t work out. I had wanted this space seven months prior. I wasn’t even able to take a look back then as it was taken already. And then, seven months later, it was ready for us. Outside of the plan. “You can move in tomorrow if you’d like.” The landlord said.

We closed for a week to clean up, move things, get more supplies, and get the place ready. As I have evolved and expanded our businesses, I always keep in mind that our plans will probably not work the way we envisioned it because our knowledge is limited. It forces me to surrender to the infinite and limitless Divine guidance. I set my intentions and I set them free. I detach myself to how things will be manifested. All I am sure of is that they will come to fruition beyond my wildest dreams and for my Highest Good.

I have said yes to many things and when they weren’t meant to be, they didn’t happen. Meanwhile, I have said no to many more things but my guides led me in a different direction and they happened. So I concluded that it doesn’t really matter what my answer is. If they’re meant to happen, they will happen. However, it doesn’t mean I don’t make choices or decisions. Let me explain. How I live my life is like this. I have my self-care practices and I align my actions with my values and beliefs as best I can. I set my intentions and strive to serve with all my heart and soul. When Source/God/Universe decides that I am ready to serve in a bigger capacity, I will be guided there. I meet them halfway through my willingness to do all the work and everything I need is provided for me. Of course my ego still worries from time to time. But for the most part, I have this deep peace and knowing that all is well always and all ways. We are co-creators of our own life and experiences. We are not helpless or powerless. Life happens for us and with us.

I shall leave you with these questions and thoughts to ponder: If you have everything you need- all the resources, strength, and means, what would you do (not in a materialistic way)? How would you live differently (again, not in a materialistic way)? If you know that you are not alone and that you are fully guided and protected, how would you live your life? How would you feel?
So, I wonder then, if you could put yourself THERE already. Now live the way you’re meant to live. BE who you really are already. FEARLESS. DOUBTLESS. PASSIONATE. Because so many souls would trade places with you instantly.

Have a fantastic time being YOU today. Make it FUN. Make it JOYOUS.

XO,

Mathilda